“I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens.” - Charlie Brown
My validation... Nature requires balance, so for every good thing I get in life I have to accept something bad. Black and white, day and night, love and hate, etc. the proverbial two sided coin.
I was brought up to believe I had to work hard enough to kill myself to get to what or where I wanted to go. I still want to find out who coined that heart attack slogan, "No Pain, No Gain." So, upon reaching my goal, I found myself too sick and tired to care if I won or lost and often sorry I bothered to try at all. I, me, and myself set it up for the bad to arrive on the scene. Making me feel that Charlie hit it square on the head - is it really worth getting happy if you have to get sad again?
Logically, I know it does not have to be that way. I am still learning, to nibble life, not choke on it. Being vigilant to seek silence when I get over-stimulated. Knowing when to pause, when to say no to over extending myself, and not letting myself feel defeated no matter what the outcome. And if I do over extend myself; not beat myself up over it. Breathe, rest, and go again. Being aware and focusing on the moment. Feeling and doing good and not worrying about the outcome.
I am practicing not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to make absolutely sure I am far enough away, that if it does drop, it doesn't hit me.